Happy Anniversary

Yesterday was our 14th anniversary.  What do you do for your wife on your anniversary, with prison just around the corner?  I'm somewhat off the hook because we just got back from a two week trip to Washington state to see friends and family. 

My attorney sent me the pre-sentencing report yesterday and it put me into a deep depression.  In the report it has letters from victims of the crime and how they were affected.  I couldnt even bring myself to read thru one of them.  It brings back all the feelings of worthlesness that I had when this process started.  I think, how could Desiree still love me?  Havent I completely failed as a father and husband?  What kind of person does the things that I did?  Surely that person does not deserve to have a wife and children by his side.

I tearfully expressed these feelings again to Desiree yesterday. When I spiral like that, there is nothing that can comfort me. It just takes some time and then passes. Desiree called our friends and asked them to pray for me. I apprecaite her action and I do feel better today.  Having friends and family pray on your behalf truly makes a big difference that I can tangibly feel.

I look at the sentencing guidelines and the number of months they recommend for incarceration is beyond my comprehension.  I emailed my attorney and he told me not to worry, and that the report is all messed up, and I need to trust in his knowledge of this judge and the cooperation I am going to receive from the govt.  That helped a lot.

Just trying to make it one day at a time

-Jason